I’m Feeling A Bit Weird…
As lockdown slowly starts to lift I'm incredibly excited. Yes to meeting more than one friend at a time. A big yes to eating somewhere other than my own house. And hell yeah to getting further outside my postcode than I can walk. This is all thrilling.
Nevertheless, I'm feeling a quiet underlying hum of uncertainty.
It's about falling back into my old frenetic ways. I know how deeply engrained some of my habits and beliefs are. For years I've blindly accepted society's definitions about self worth and success. As someone who lived life at 100 miles an hour, I believed that time was wasted if it wasn't 'productive'.
Even though I know this isn't true and it runs counter to my values of prioritising joy, embracing spontaneity and living an intentional life - as soon as the pull from the external world gathers momentum I know how easily I could easily slide back into an obsession with being busy.
One of my main lockdown learnings has been that there's value in being rather than doing - spending unhurried time with those we love, enjoying the beauty of nature and taking time to rest, read and dream. And I want to guard that like a Mama Tiger.
Thinking about the changes that I've made in the last year and what I want to carry forward, this is what's top of mind:
slowing down - which for me has led to more clarity, less anxiety, better articulation, living more intentionally
strolling about - discovering new parts of my neighbourhood (even after 21 years!), seeing the seasons change before my eyes and having the space to think beyond my to-do list
spontaneity - as a very scheduled person, I've loved having spontaneous meet ups and want to keep empty space in my diary to be able to act on a whim
one to one chats - are my idea of social heaven so I have LOVED only being allowed meet up with one person at a time! I've had revelatory perspective changing conversations, amazing tarot readings and fabulous girly chats about hair/make up/Call My Agent...
simplicity - it's not what you wear, where you meet or what you eat, it's who you're with. I always knew this, but lockdown gave me a really solid reminder of this important truth. I've had more fun in my shed recently than is actually decent to admit and some of my absolute best times this year have been in a park with a friend and a flask of coffee!
What will you carry into your life as lockdown starts to lift?